Friday, April 30, 2010


“You wake up but not really. In the bedroom you grew up in. It's the only place on this entire planet that is yours. The only place on the planet that understands you. It understands the way your nerves flare everytime you think about talking to anyone, scared into shyness at the thought of opening your mouth but the way you are the best hypocrite around when you're in front of a microphone. It knows what turns that switch on and off and on again. It understands the way when you don't have a smile on your face everyone only spits: 'what's wrong's and 'you look tired's. So the way you keep it on your face just wide enough to avoid questions. It understands how neurotic you have become, the way you treat your flaws like old friends.” 
~ Peter Wentz

I've always embraced being an anomaly.  It was never an issue for me.  In fact I rather enjoyed it.  I have always had a lucid understanding that my upbringing was certainly not what most would consider the "standard childhood."  This however has never been a crutch.  It has never been an excuse to treat people without respect. Certainly never a justification to act as though anything that happened to me in the past somehow gave me the right to be maladjusted as an adult.  Despite all this, I've historically had a rather utopian view on life, but life seems determined to break it.  Especially recently, my departure from the norm has become grossly evident.   The world isn't the happy-go-lucky place that exists in my mind.  People aren't necessarily as kind and considerate as I wish they were, and not everyone is deserving of your time and friendship.  It is a perilous place for one to wear one's heart on their sleeve and blind trust tends to end more often in heartbreak than in bliss. 

So does one lose hope?

... of course not.  You just become a little more cautious, a little more wary ... and hope that the next experience is a little more gentle than the last.

Live and Learn.

Monday, April 5, 2010

no need to explain.

“Action expresses priorities.” 
~ Mahatma Gandhi

I had a conversation with a close friend of mine the other night about priorities.  What I realized is that quite often, it's exceedingly difficult to express to someone the priorities in your life.  I don't think it's necessarily because we're unable to articulate what they are.  I think it's because oftentimes, the reality of the situation is that the person you're talking to just didn't make that priority list.  That doesn't necessarily have a negative connotation either, it's just sincere.  I would venture to say that the vast majority of the time the reason why this is even an issue in the first place is because we are aware of the feelings that are affected by our words and our actions.  The problem lies in the fact that this just delays the inevitable and in this case; time doesn't make matters better.

“Prefer a loss to a dishonest gain;
the one brings pain at the moment, the other for all time.”

~ Chilon

The concept that I think that so many people struggle with is more a question of intrinsic honesty.  We tend to not realize that that the slightest bit of introspection will ultimately set you free.  How you feel, is how you feel.  We don't control this.  Try as we might, all we can do is react to how we feel, which seldom changes what we feel.  First and foremost, be honest with yourself and try to get to a place where you no longer need to apologize for the truth.  The truth never warrants an apology... perhaps an explanation, but never an apology.  If there's collateral damage, so be it.  It was never said that life would be effortless, only that it was precious.

I'm uncertain as to why this is so difficult.  Maybe we're just too embarrassed to reveal too much of ourselves as our flaws become so evident in the light.  Past hurts might still be too fresh to ignore.  The wounds a reminder of a more painful time.  I guess the first step is to recognize that this is universal.  There is nothing new under the sun.  This isn't anomalous.  Speak always the truth and you never have to whisper.  Human nature simply perpetuates certain proclivities, and the sooner we grasp this, the sooner we get to a place of happiness and freedom.


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