Monday, June 21, 2010

long talks in the breeze.

“If you want to say something 
and have people listen 
then you have to wear a mask.
If you want to be honest 
then you have to live a lie.
~ Banksy

 I recently had the opportunity to see a tremendous film, Exit Through the Gift Shop directed by the elusive yet renowned graffiti artist known only as Banksy.  If you've never seen any of his work, do yourself a favor and look them up.  I challenge anyone not to be moved by his controversial, thought provoking and simply beautiful pieces.  But I digress ... 

The film gave way to a rather interesting discussion about art and it's consequently it's interpretation.  The direction of this discussion falls heavily on how one defines "art."

The dictionary defines it as such:

art : (ärt) n.
1. Human effort to imitate, supplement, alter, or counteract the work of nature.
2. The conscious production or arrangement of sounds, colors, forms, movements, or other elements in a manner that affects the sense of beauty, specifically the production of the beautiful in a graphic or plastic medium.

It's interesting as to how the creation of art is such a freeing experience, yet simultaneously draws such powerful emotions and opinions that sometimes it actually constricts the artists themselves.  I suppose it's like Pandora's Box ... one cannot open up a pool of emotions and expect only the good ones to come flooding out.

I leave you with this story ...

Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a great and glorious nation. Favorite amongst his subjects was the court painter of whom he was very proud. Everybody agreed this wizened old man painted the greatest pictures in the whole kingdom and the king would spend hours each day gazing at them in wonder.

However, one day a dirty and disheveled stranger presented himself at the court claiming that in fact he was the greatest painter in the land. The indignant king decreed a competition would be held between the two artists, confident it would teach the vagabond an embarrassing lesson. Within a month they were both to produce a masterpiece that would out do the other. After thirty days of working feverishly day and night, both artists were ready. They placed their paintings, each hidden by a cloth, on easels in the great hall of the castle. As a large crowd gathered, the king ordered the cloth be pulled first from the court artist’s easel...

Everyone gasped as before them was revealed a wonderful oil painting of a table set with a feast. At its center was an ornate bowl full of exotic fruits glistening moistly in the dawn light. As the crowd gazed admiringly, a sparrow perched high up on the rafters of the hall swooped down and hungrily tried to snatch one of the grapes from the painted bowl only to hit the canvas and fall down dead with shock at the feet of the king.  
Aha! exclaimed the king. My artist has produced a painting so wonderful it has fooled nature herself, surely you must agree that he is the greatest painter who ever lived! 
But the vagabond said nothing and stared solemnly at his feet.  
Now, pull the blanket from your painting and let us see what you have for us, cried the king. 
But the tramp remained motionless and said nothing. Growing impatient, the king stepped forward and reached out to grab the blanket only to freeze in horror at the last moment.
You see, said the tramp quietly, there is no blanket covering the painting. This is actually just a painting of a cloth covering a painting. And whereas your famous artist is content to fool nature, I’ve made the king of the whole country look like a clueless little twat."

  ~ Banksy

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime ...

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realise is that our need has been met, our
desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author - Unknown

Friday, April 30, 2010


“You wake up but not really. In the bedroom you grew up in. It's the only place on this entire planet that is yours. The only place on the planet that understands you. It understands the way your nerves flare everytime you think about talking to anyone, scared into shyness at the thought of opening your mouth but the way you are the best hypocrite around when you're in front of a microphone. It knows what turns that switch on and off and on again. It understands the way when you don't have a smile on your face everyone only spits: 'what's wrong's and 'you look tired's. So the way you keep it on your face just wide enough to avoid questions. It understands how neurotic you have become, the way you treat your flaws like old friends.” 
~ Peter Wentz

I've always embraced being an anomaly.  It was never an issue for me.  In fact I rather enjoyed it.  I have always had a lucid understanding that my upbringing was certainly not what most would consider the "standard childhood."  This however has never been a crutch.  It has never been an excuse to treat people without respect. Certainly never a justification to act as though anything that happened to me in the past somehow gave me the right to be maladjusted as an adult.  Despite all this, I've historically had a rather utopian view on life, but life seems determined to break it.  Especially recently, my departure from the norm has become grossly evident.   The world isn't the happy-go-lucky place that exists in my mind.  People aren't necessarily as kind and considerate as I wish they were, and not everyone is deserving of your time and friendship.  It is a perilous place for one to wear one's heart on their sleeve and blind trust tends to end more often in heartbreak than in bliss. 

So does one lose hope?

... of course not.  You just become a little more cautious, a little more wary ... and hope that the next experience is a little more gentle than the last.

Live and Learn.

Monday, April 5, 2010

no need to explain.

“Action expresses priorities.” 
~ Mahatma Gandhi

I had a conversation with a close friend of mine the other night about priorities.  What I realized is that quite often, it's exceedingly difficult to express to someone the priorities in your life.  I don't think it's necessarily because we're unable to articulate what they are.  I think it's because oftentimes, the reality of the situation is that the person you're talking to just didn't make that priority list.  That doesn't necessarily have a negative connotation either, it's just sincere.  I would venture to say that the vast majority of the time the reason why this is even an issue in the first place is because we are aware of the feelings that are affected by our words and our actions.  The problem lies in the fact that this just delays the inevitable and in this case; time doesn't make matters better.

“Prefer a loss to a dishonest gain;
the one brings pain at the moment, the other for all time.”

~ Chilon

The concept that I think that so many people struggle with is more a question of intrinsic honesty.  We tend to not realize that that the slightest bit of introspection will ultimately set you free.  How you feel, is how you feel.  We don't control this.  Try as we might, all we can do is react to how we feel, which seldom changes what we feel.  First and foremost, be honest with yourself and try to get to a place where you no longer need to apologize for the truth.  The truth never warrants an apology... perhaps an explanation, but never an apology.  If there's collateral damage, so be it.  It was never said that life would be effortless, only that it was precious.

I'm uncertain as to why this is so difficult.  Maybe we're just too embarrassed to reveal too much of ourselves as our flaws become so evident in the light.  Past hurts might still be too fresh to ignore.  The wounds a reminder of a more painful time.  I guess the first step is to recognize that this is universal.  There is nothing new under the sun.  This isn't anomalous.  Speak always the truth and you never have to whisper.  Human nature simply perpetuates certain proclivities, and the sooner we grasp this, the sooner we get to a place of happiness and freedom.

Monday, March 29, 2010

i speak without speaking, please speak for me.

“The mind is its own place, and in itself, 
can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.”
~ John Milton

I came across something last night I posted about a year ago in regards to things that might lend some insight into the tangled paradox that is my mind. I spend a lot of time writing about things from my point of view... it's kind of nice letting someone else say how I feel, for me. I figured it warranted a resuscitation...

“Do or do not, there is no try.”
~ Yoda

“Wise has awoken, and you know they say that you deserved it, 
whenever you die with your eyes open ...”
~ Jadakiss

“If you wanna make the world a better place,
take a look at yourself and make a change ...”
~ Michael Jackson

“We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics.
They will only grow louder and more dissonant.
We've been asked to pause for a reality check.
We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope.
But in the unlikely story that is America,
there has never been anything false about hope”
~ Barack Obama

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that”
~ Martin Luther King Jr.

“I told you that I was happy for you, and given the chance I'd lie again ...”
~ Tim McGraw

“I know that I am intelligent,
because I know that I know nothing.”
~ Socrates

“Here I go, losing my control.
I'm practicing your name so I can say it to your face.
It doesn't seem right, to look you in the eye.
Let all the things you mean to me, come tumbling out my mouth.
Indeed it's time to tell you why, I say it's infinitely true.”
~ Bic Runga

“When I say, "I love you,"
it's not because I want you or because I can't have you.
It has nothing to do with me.
I love what you are, what you do, how you try.
I've seen your kindness and your strength.
I've seen the best and the worst of you.
And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are.
You're a hell of a woman.”
~ Joss Whedon

“In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king”
~ Erasmus

“Back to that good old fashioned way of getting cash money by earning it.
No bogus hocus pocus, I bring back to focus.
Skills if you notice my position is lotus”
~ KRS-One

“With coarse rice to eat, with water to drink,
and my bended arm for a pillow;
I have still joy in the midst of these things.
Riches and honors acquired by unrighteousness
are to me as a floating cloud” 
~ Confucious

“Though we both know that the worst part about it,
is I would be free when you wanted me
... if you wanted me”
~ John Mayer

“It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been?
Did you get my letter I wrote you, but I did not send.”
~ Eliot Sloan (Blessid Union of Souls)

“Get busy living, or get busy dying...”
~ Andy Drufresne

“The true man wants two things – danger and play.
Therefore he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

“You know what I'm sick and tired of, Harry?
I'm sick and tired of having to eke my way through life.
I'm sick and tired of being a nobody...
But most of all, I'm sick and tired of having nobody.”
~ Lloyd Christmas

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
~ Mohandas Gandhi

“Ain't nobody tell us it was fair,
No love for my daddy, cause the coward wasn't there.
He passed away and I didn't cry.
Cause my anger, wouldn't let me feel for a stranger.
They say i'm wrong and i'm heartless,
But all along I was looking for a father - he was gone...”
~ Tupac Shakur

“Softly, as if I played piano in the dark,
found a way to channel my anger not to embark.
The world's a stage and everybody's got to play their part.
God works in mysterious ways
so when he starts the job of speaking through us
we be so sincere with this here.
No drugs or alcohol so I can get the signal clear - as day.
Put my glock away, I got a stronger weapon
that never runs out of ammunition so I'm ready for war, okay...”
~ Andre 3000

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you,
I could walk in my garden forever.”
~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought
without accepting it”
~ Aristotle

“A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature,
to stop words when speech becomes superfluous.”
~ Ingrid Bergmen

“You have to believe in yourself.
Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance.”
~ Sun Tzu

“Not everything that counts can be counted,
and not everything that can be counted counts”
~ Albert Einstein

“Don't worry, about a thing. Because every little thing is gonna be alright.”
~ Bob Marley

... and to close:

“An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast;
a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.”

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal

with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.”

“It is better to travel well than to arrive.”

“The tongue like a sharp knife...
Kills without drawing blood.”

“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

“Three things cannot be long hidden:
the sun, the moon, and the truth.”

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,
deserve your love and affection.”

~ Siddhārtha Gautama (Buddha)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Chivalry: A Murder Mystery

Chivalry is dead, but it didn't just die of natural causes, it was murdered.  Bludgeoned by misplaced pride and left to die by unassuming neglect.  Chivalry has long since lost it's meaning.  Fallen from grace from a once proud word symbolizing honor, prestige and other "knight-like" qualities.  It has now become a joke, a veritable mockery of itself, finding that more often than not, the very act of being chivalrous is being executed with the least honorable of intentions.

At one point in time it was understood that people should hold high regard towards basic human decency.  Somehow chivalry became synonymous with various benevolent actions during the courtship process.  Opening the door, walking on the street side, standing when a women arrives or leaves a table, these seemingly innocuous acts are all remnants of a time when these actions meant something.  Now, they're hollow, devoid of thought and absent of the proper motivation.

What it all comes down to is the thin line between being chivalrous and being condescending to today's modern empowered woman.  Take for instance picking up the tab.  It’s generally considered gentlemanly to pay for meals, entertainment, etc, especially on the first date. I feel that it shows that all I am asking for is your time, nothing else, let's remove the trivial and superficial matter of a money transaction out of the equation and just enjoy our time together.  The feminist’s perspective states that as an empowered womyn, she can pay her own way.  The man reaching for his wallet is an indication that he thinks she can’t take care of herself.  This is not the case.  Allow me this simple joy in life.  I work very hard for what I have, let me share with you the fruits of my labor. 

This is how I think it all goes awry:

From a very early age, young girls are fed a constant stream of "Prince Charming" stories.  This fairytale of a handsome prince (simultaneously signifying wealth, status, and prestige) on white horse coming to literally sweep her off her feet and take her off to some magical land of milk and honey is persistent even across multiple cultures.  The parental units of said child continue to perpetuate this thought through early childhood until, in a rather cruel and ironic twist, the very moment in adolescence when a young girl begins to show interest in the opposite sex they drop all pretenses and slam on the brakes.

"Now that you're old enough, I think it's time to tell you that men are worthless and you don't need a man for anything.  Never depend too much on a man, he will fail you.  All that Prince Charming shit, was a lie." 

... is it any wonder why many women struggle with cognitive dissonance? This is exponentially prevalent in single parent households. Sometimes the children themselves are a constant reminder of the pain and heartache, thus making it that much more palpable and recent. Trust me. I know first hand.

So where do we go from here?

Firstly, I believe the onus falls upon men.  We need to stop being pieces of shit.  Man up.  Literally.  Wrap your brain around what it means to be a man, specifically when it comes to dealings with women.  It's not about justice.  It's not about objectivity.  Get back to the point where men understand that the fairer of the species deserves to be treated with a certain degree of reverence and respect.  As if the fate of the world depended on them.  It does.  Remember that without them, the propagation of the species is impossible.  True, there are outliers to this, there are women out there who aren't worth a damn, but let's err on the positive side, innocent until proven guilty.  If there wasn't such a well placed concern that someday a man might utterly fail them then the need for this thought process wouldn't necessarily be such a priority. 

A quick message to some of those contemptible, despicable men out there:

Your actions don't fall squarely on your shoulders, you represent all of us and every time you wound someone the next person and every other person they might encounter has to pay for your transgressions.  I see the way you treat women, it's no wonder they don't trust us.  Dick.  Grow the fuck up or get yourself out of the fuckin' gene pool.


Secondly, women...

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
~Timothy Leary

The fight for equality shouldn't include the destruction of courtship as collateral damage.  There's no reason to be that equal.  There are so much that women and men can teach each other and so much that is inherently beautiful about each one independently, why would you want to be more homogeneous?  Let's meet halfway.  Besides, it is common if not universal that in any species that has a gestation period of longer than a couple weeks that there is a specific and typically intricate courtship ritual that has been literally birthed into place over the course of eons to ensure that the most adept, the most resourceful, most deserving of passing on their genes, gets to.  The oft ignored part about this is that this choice is nearly always on the female.   Choose wisely.

Both of us need to put aside foolish short lived games, superficial concerns, and realize that ultimately, the best of us should be the ones out there procreating and changing the face and direction of the world ... not the horniest of us.

*on a side note... wow... sorry about the mental vomit, stream of consciousness isn't necessarily always the best way to write.  Thus a brief dialogue about chivalry turned into a criticism of male/female roles in society and courtship.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


A sudden revelation, a beam of blinding truth.  It can be a welcome, calming, peaceful realization of things to come, or of things that have passed.  A warm glow of understanding that beckons you to a place of positivity and bliss.


... this has been a week of self-induced epiphanies.  Each one more and more lucid and clear.  Each one increasingly, devastatingly, and painfully true.  As unwavering as ice and equally as cold.  One thing I've noticed as one of the more exhausting characteristics of being the aforementioned "over-thinker" is that the tendency to reflect inwards is prevalent...nay...rampant.  You can't restrain it.  Even an evanescent moment of silence leads to torrential cerebral maelstroms.  Unstoppable and typically unintelligible... but when you finally do sort things out, sometimes the results aren't what you had hoped...

...but it's even worse when you expect it.

My work is cut out for me.  This isn't new.  I know this road and it's certainly not the one less traveled, Mr. Frost.  It's absolutely and utterly beaten to shit.  Maybe I should have taken your advice?  But how does one do that exactly? 

If I sound jaded, it's because I am.
     This is cyclic.
          This is perpetual.
               My Sisyphean torment.
                    My beautiful curse.


“When I stand before thee at the day's end, 
thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds 
and also my healing.” 
~ Rabindranath Tagore

Let the healing commence...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

the elephant in the room.

It seems that the old adage rings true: The most creative minds among us often have the most persuasive demons.  Day in, day out I live a seemingly stable existence.  Preaching about enjoying the simple things in life yet oftentimes unable and frequently unwilling to take heed of my own advice.  Being cognizant of the proverbial writing on the wall is completely useless unless you're willing to act upon it.  It becomes an act of self-deprivation and ultimately self-destruction. Yet I seem to be so exceedingly good at convincing myself of grasping at ethereal hopes that at times I can't even differentiate reality from dream.  This trait is helpful at times.  A loose grip on reality eases the blunt force trauma that life is known to cause.  Some might even call it optimism. However, one can only go so long ignoring the elephant in the room before the elephant starts to make it's presence known.  Before long, it's very existence becomes suffocating and constricting.

"Come Babar..."

I will say this however, it certainly is liberating when it finally leaves...

...and you begin to wonder why it took so long to bring up in the first place. 

“People look at you and me,
to see what they are supposed to be. 
And if we don't disappoint them,
just maybe...
they won't disappoint us.” 
~ Walt Disney

Sunday, March 7, 2010


“Health is not valued till sickness comes.” 
~ Thomas Fuller

NyQuil ... do your thing.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

have i told you lately?

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you,
I could walk in my garden forever.”
~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

It's amazing how someone pops into your mind.  The speed of thought is astonishing.  When you least expect it ... BAM! they're there, and there's nothing you can do about it.  Now how does one act upon this?  Do you ignore it?  For how long?  Do you tell them you're thinking about them?  If so ... when?

I wonder what the world would be like if you always knew when someone was thinking about you?

... I bet the world would be a much better place.

We all like to know that someone is thinking about us; so why is it so difficult to tell someone?  Why does it so often become afterthought?  Entire holidays are devoted to reminding people to tell their loved ones that they're loved.  I think this is all a result of basic human nature.  I think it's natural to adapt, to grow accustomed... even when it comes to people.  The tendency is that once you've gotten something on any consistent interval, one begins to expect it.  Even the notion that this "something" has some sort of finite existence and will not in fact last forever starts to dwindle and eventually go away.  Romantic relationships fall victim to this cancerous mindset perhaps the most, and it's all too often in retrospect that we end up being tormented by regrets.

So what's the cure?

... I don't know, but I suppose just being aware is a step in the right direction.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

random acts of kindness.

Enjoy the little things,
for one day you may look back and realize
they were the big things.
~ Robert Brault

... I believe that the key to happiness lies in two fundamental maxims:
  1. Take the time to think about the little things in life and give them the merit they deserve.  Revel in the details.  The seemingly mundane that might matter to no one else but you.  Make time to rejoice in these things and allow the bliss to wash over you.
  2. Spend the remainder of your time doing everything in your power to help others achieve the first maxim.  Be kind to others and recognize that they too are fighting their own battles.
Life is difficult.  Adversity and conflicts are abundant and unfortunately they are typically intensified by self-doubt, inadequacies and fears. It's nothing short of monumental to surpass these hurdles and stay positive... but at least we don't have to go through this alone.  Thank God for those special people in your life...

... are you as good of a friend as you could be? ... or perhaps should be? 
Do your friends know how much they mean to you?

I'm not sure why these last few nights I've been feeling so "preachy." I suppose it's because all too often I see how some people treat each other and it starts to cause me to lose faith in humanity.  Spiraling into a lack of faith in the greater good within all of us.   Then, suddenly a little random act of kindness, knowing that you're on someone's mind and that you're not alone and thine cup runneth over yet again... strength to go and face the day. I only hope I can return the favor...
~ Max Ehrmann 
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,

they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,

no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

 (...gracias, 33)

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
~ Maya Angelou

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

alive and kicking.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Simple minds discuss people.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt.

The hospitality industry has turned me into a simpleton. I can't tell you how often my day to day interactions feel reminiscent of full blown déjà vu. Same conversations, same people, same mindless responses.  Conversations are too safe nowadays.  People are so scared to offend, so concerned about their projected self image that the vast majority of the time, what should be a chance for two minds to meet, to better understand each other ... instead becomes a tepid, flaccid, watered down version of itself.

Think for instance, of the quintessential first date.  I doubt a more elusive and fundamentally deceiving conversation exists on this planet.  You don't say what you're thinking, you say what you think the person sitting across from the edamame beans wants you to be thinking.  You're hoping that you can dose out the "crazy" in palpable increments so they won't realize how neurotic you really are.

Here's a secret ... we're all crazy.  

well, at least all the good ones are...

People wonder why couples date for six months and then say things like "They've changed!" or "I guess I never really knew them."  Did you take the time to know them?  Did you create an environment where the socially constructed taboo-free templates of relationships have been torn down?  How could you possibly know someone until they feel comfortable enough to let you into their twisted little world?  When you meet someone, realize that they're bringing along years and years of memories and experiences.  Why would you even believe that you can learn anything about them without spending a little time in sepia tone?

Take that time. Enjoy it.  Bask in each others idiosyncrasies because that's what truly makes someone special.  Embrace the fact that deep down, we might just be piles of carbon, but what makes us each devastatingly different, constantly confusing, and utterly unpredictable is also what makes us simultaneously and beautifully unique.  Stop trying to adjust yourself to be who you "should be" ... if the person you're talking to you can't accept how absolutely batshit insane you are, they don't deserve your company.

but be gentle... you might not want to make too many sudden movements... remember, they're probably as crazy as you are.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

mind games.

My mind's playing tricks on me ...

Sometimes it feels like I'm just playing one drawn out mind game with myself.  A incredibly detailed yet absolutely imaginary role play with and about the people in my life,  I can't seem to stop it.  

It is as if my mind is stuck in an infinite loop.  Constantly rehashing and revisiting the same scenario a thousand different ways.  I am what you would call the quintessential "over-thinker."

Should I do this?    Should I say that?   What should I say?           
What are the consequences?      Why did this happen?       Do I deserve this?
 Why does it even matter?      
        What really matters?  

Maybe this is one cause for my insomnia...

... I am getting back to the days of innocence and positivity when I would close my eyes and think about all ways for me to accomplish the things I want to do... prepare for what I am about to do... or even imagine the fantastic things I wish I could do ... as opposed to justifying reasons for things I didn't have the courage to do, didn't make the time to do, or felt foolish even wishing I did.  I just wish I wasn't so damn good at that game.

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
These are the tears, The tears we shed
This is the fear, This is the dread
These are the contents of my head

Excerpt from
"Why" by Annie Lennox

I'm tired.  Let's play a new game ...

Saturday, February 27, 2010

why are you trembling?


 Let us a little permit Nature to take her own way;
she better understands her own affairs than we. 
~ Michel de Montaigne

Last night an earthquake hit off the coast of Okinawa ... this morning, 8.8 directly off the coast of Chile ...

My thoughts go out to those affected... and those soon to be.

Gaia, why are you trembling?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ...

It's gorgeous outside.  Nary a cloud in the sky (at least around my 'hood), the weather is brisk and just borderline chilly, the sun is shining, all in all simply amazing.

... which made me think about Mr. Rogers. (welcome to my brain...)

I remember reading somewhere that Mr. Rogers was a marine scout sniper.  Bollucks certainly, but it makes me wonder why that rumor was even started?  Can there not be a single genuine, altruistic symbol out in the media?  Have we gotten so jaded that we must reject the notion that this character, this persona was truly benevolent and therby fabricate a more violent, flawed and by that rational a more "believable" back story?  The answer is probably and unfortunately yes.  Misery loves company.  The new species of hater is stronger than ever.  Gone is a time when you saw someone who you admired or at the very least superficially envied and thought to yourself, "wow, I want that.  How can I get myself there?"  Now it's "Screw that guy, this isn't fair."

phuque that.

“Fate is for those too weak to determine their own destiny.”

Shake them haters off, get out there and change what you don't like about your life... and if what you do doesn't necessarily coincide with the accepted social norm, you're probably on the right track.

Here's something to marinate on, from one of my favorites:

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize
half of them, are stupider than that.” ~ George Carlin

... maybe it's good not being quite so "normal."

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

in the still of the night ...


In thirty years of life, i think I've only really looked at the stars maybe ten times.  I suppose some of it could be blamed on environment.  Growing up in the Houston, the opportunity just wasn't there.  The pollution, the bright lights, one would be lucky to see sirius, much less a full constellation. Then again, I doubt i would survive in the countryside.

...but i digress.

I sat out on my balcony this morning, shivering out in the cold, the icy wind stinging as it bites my cheeks just staring out at the cityscape. True, it saddened me that i couldn't see the stars but I must say, the night still gives me a sense of peace.  I suppose this is why i like this time of night, while the rest of the world sleeps, in the silence i can finally hear myself think.  Now whether that is necessarily a good thing has yet to be determined ...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

gnōthi seauton

... and so it begins.

Maybe it was the random snow storm that fell this morning, or the late night inspirational conversation ... but i woke this morning with a feeling that has been long lost. Freedom from a mental export embargo. A renaissance of self reflection. The intrinsic need to let loose the thoughts that have so long been left ricocheting in my brain. Perhaps this is the medium...

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