Sunday, February 28, 2010

mind games.


My mind's playing tricks on me ...

Sometimes it feels like I'm just playing one drawn out mind game with myself.  A incredibly detailed yet absolutely imaginary role play with and about the people in my life,  I can't seem to stop it.  

It is as if my mind is stuck in an infinite loop.  Constantly rehashing and revisiting the same scenario a thousand different ways.  I am what you would call the quintessential "over-thinker."

Should I do this?    Should I say that?   What should I say?           
What are the consequences?      Why did this happen?       Do I deserve this?
 Why does it even matter?      
        What really matters?  

Maybe this is one cause for my insomnia...

... I am getting back to the days of innocence and positivity when I would close my eyes and think about all ways for me to accomplish the things I want to do... prepare for what I am about to do... or even imagine the fantastic things I wish I could do ... as opposed to justifying reasons for things I didn't have the courage to do, didn't make the time to do, or felt foolish even wishing I did.  I just wish I wasn't so damn good at that game.

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
These are the tears, The tears we shed
This is the fear, This is the dread
These are the contents of my head

Excerpt from
"Why" by Annie Lennox

I'm tired.  Let's play a new game ...

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